Thoughts race through my mind as a look over a table filled with paints, and brushes and pencils, cups of muddy water and half burnt candles, a stray tape dispenser and scissors...
Is this worth it? Or am I trying to live someone else's dream?
There are so many who believe. So many who have encouraged me. I know that there is potential here, but how do I make that reality? I feel like our family is on the brink of something amazing. I really do. But is it foolish of me to stand at the edge of a canyon? I know there are ways to make legitimate income at hourly jobs. We've done that before. We've been there.
When my husband came back from the oil rigs, and his back was injured, we had no idea how we were going to survive. It's been nearly 11 months, and still we are waiting for closure. The company that he worked for denied our worker's compensation claim and in the course of their investigation, since we were without income, our medical insurance lapsed. So now we sit, waiting for an appeal hearing which has not yet come to fruition. 11 months. No steady paycheck. And yet somehow we have managed to survive.
Now I know it's no coincidence. I know that there have been miraculous things that have happened. And I know for a fact that there are some who don't believe in miracles. You are perfectly within your rights to not believe, but if I listed the number of times that people who have NO CLUE the depth of our situation have stepped in with exactly what we needed at the last possible moment over the course of the past year, you'd be eating your tongue. I have always had a strong faith, but now... It's overwhelming. It's EASY to say you believe. But when within 24 hours, you'll lose your lights and water and car insurance, and "somehow" something "just happens to come through" and all those bills are paid.... It makes you look up and KNOW... I thought I knew before ... But it's tangible now.
We are in the final days leading up to our hearing... Until this is over, my husband can't seek medical attention for a severe herniation in his L5 lumbar. The beauty of our situation is that although he has numbness and an OBVIOUS injury to his back, he isn't in pain. I'm praising for that. It's hard, but it's not hopeless.
Our hearing should be in May. That's what they tell us anyways. We'll see what happens. All I know is that regardless of the time... Regardless of the outcome... We'll be okay. I've never really understood before...
"“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
and naked I will depart."
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;
may the name of the Lord be praised.”
So instead of throwing my brushes away and returning to "safety"... I'm going to stay right where my feet are firmly planted. I'm choosing hope.
Just a quick update on the GoFundMe project. I've posted a few updates with the latest paintings that will be given away during this campaign. Please feel free to share the post via any social media site. Every little bit helps!!!
Perhaps there is nothing magical about the way paint flows from the tip of a brush, but for me, it's healing.
Perhaps there is nothing redeeming about the bristles and the strokes of color and the formation of thoughts, but for me, it soothes the ache.
Perhaps there is nothing at all astounding about hours spent creating a work that will soon arrive on a wall and be forgotten, but for me, it's a way to release.
Watercolor... Acrylic... Oil... Pastels... Pencils... Ink...
Plain jane ordinary tools.
But for me... They take me away from the stress and the worry. They allow me to breathe and focus on someone else's needs for a moment. They erase the worry lines from my forehead and the tension in my neck. They draw me into something that is not myself.
And I am thankful. I'm thankful that my wires are crossed and my heart is tied up in the little things. They may not be valuable to some, but they are priceless to the soul.
And I'm thankful for healing through a brush.
Okay, just kidding. It's only one mural. I wanted to have a quick tag to another medium that I enjoyed. There's not really a way to advertise it in the gallery, but there is indeed a tool here that can be shared if it's ever needed. Airbrush is an incredible way to spend the day! So much fun to create large scale pieces. Take a moment to check out the following article!
It will come as no surprise to those who know me that I am deeply fascinated by the inner workings and driving forces behind why people pour themselves into art. I stumbled across a site today that captured my FULL attention.
Autism is a subject that can be difficult to broach, and is incredible and formidable to those who face it daily. Those who fall of the spectrum of autism can be easily overwhelmed by daily functions. I was drawn into this website because it gives just a glimpse, a tiny TINY glimpse into the brilliance of some of these minds. They are driven to art as a coping mechanism for life. Their canvas is their escape.
The subject matter and visions that flow from the artists' paintbrush is phenomenal, absolutely stunning. I'm so thankful that someone took the time to gather, and study, and talk to the creators of these pieces. What an interesting way to shed light on a subject that is all too overlooked. Click the link below to scroll and enjoy some of the most unique pieces I've had the honor of laying my eyes on.
It's nearly midnight, and I'm staring at my paints and listening to The Voice. I'm exhausted, but at peace. I've never even been able to grasp that art could be a living. I mean, it has worked for others, but for me... It's always seemed like a pipe dream. And I'm gently reminded that this has nothing to do with me, but rather, there is a plan that is unfolding before my eyes that may very well include the opportunity to reach out and make a difference. I'm excited about the opportunity to grow, to share, and to learn new forms of expression.
How incredible! To be able to do what I love, and not feel guilty! Today closes, and it is a GOOD day!
Its been a blessing to realize that I may be able to make my art into a full time profession. But I have to be honest, that's not what motivates me. What really motivates me is being able to use the gift I've been blessed with to in someway help others. I don't have a master plan in place for what my end goal is, but it all centers around being able to help make the world a better place. It could be helping a church raise funds to build a center to feed the poor, or helping a historic society preserve the historical beauty of long forgotten buildings. But one of my favorite examples of using gifts to uplift people and help society in general is an organization called HOBO Nation. Please check the video out below and check out their website to support their efforts.
So, we've been hard at work trying to get this new website off of the ground and have a campaign in progress to get my artwork in front a team of investors to take it to a regional and possibly national audience. This is a dream I've had to be able to be an artist full time and professionally and for the first time, we are on the brink of making that happen. So if you are reading this and are enjoying the watercolor paintings, drawings, and portraits, please share this website with your friends and family. And if you feel so inclined to purchase some artwork, you can visit my store on Etsy by clicking the button on the home page, or you can contribute to our campaign on Go Fund Me. Thank you for visiting and be sure to subscribe to the blog and check the website frequently for new artwork. Thank you and have a blessed day.